Where did all the flowers go?

Once upon a time, I spent an awful lot of time online...far too much time. Alone and severely depressed, I surrounded myself with 'cyber friends' to fill the void that had been left open by my circumstances at the time. I felt comfortable with this distance and chat gave me the freedom to be the person I wanted to be, the person who was lurking somewhere underneath; happy, sexy, witty and confident. Most of these 'friends' were acquaintances, people with whom I bantered, exchanging witticisms and sometimes insults. A lot of these people scared me and I didn't want to get any 'closer'. Others (no more than a handful) really meant something to me, they were there when the shit hit the fan and stretched out their hands when I really needed it. In reality these people helped me far more than anyone whose hand I could actually touch at that time.

And so, having clambered out of the abyss, I have recently returned to chat after a long absence and I am saddened that a lot of these people aren't around anymore. But...All of this makes me wonder. I left because my life was beginning to improve. I left because I no longer had the time because my focus and motivation had improved. I left because I felt that the time I spent in chat was unhealthy. I left to get on with my life and not hide inside a chat character. Maybe this is why they're not here anymore.

Maybe they'll return for brief and healthier periods, like I have, to seek out those who touched their lives when they were at their lowest. Here's hoping....

First Blood

Why is it always easier to think than to articulate what you think?

I'm currently studying on a postgraduate course where 'reflective practice' is all important. However, It's not that I find it difficult to reflect. I just find it difficult to 'say' what the conclusions of my reflections are.

I've never kept a journal. I'm 34 years old and I've never felt the need to write a permanent reflection on my life. I've never felt it was important. I can look back on my life and remember the good times (and the bad)...but I've never regretted not writing them down. Some things I don't want to be reminded of. Needless to say, I'm having difficulty getting into this 'reflective practice' thing and it's vitally important to my success on this course.

So, what I figured is this. If I get used to articulating my thoughts in general via this blog, then the professional side of journal writing will fall into place.

I don't want or need to use this as an outlet for my feelings and emotions. I want to write about my considerations and reflections on life. Then, maybe, this is something i'll want to look back on. And maybe I'll obtain the skills required to pass my course. Maybe..